The Lost Art of Manliness

About a year ago, I began to truly notice how many men in America seem to have lost the art of being a man. As recently as the 1950s, real men still existed. They could survive in the wilderness without an RV or a cell phone. They could grill a steak without burning it. They knew how to fix a leaky sink without calling a plumber. They could work on their car without going a mechanic. They not only knew how to tie a tie, but knew how to select their suit size and buy a fedora. An essence of chivalry still existed. Men got in shape from doing hard labor (not from going to a gym). There was a very sexist attitude toward women (which I don’t condone), but men were still men and “metro sexuality” didn’t exist.

In the fifty odd years since the atomic age, men seem to have lost their way. The men of today are more sensitive to women’s needs (sometimes) and have no problem with women in the workforce, but the things that made them truly men have, for a large part, disappeared. If their sink leaks, they call a plumber. If they’re lost in the woods, they use their GPS or call AAA. They take their car to a mechanic to change their oil. They’re lucky if they can figure out how to tie a slipknot in their tie, let alone know the difference between a Windsor and a Box Knot. Bow ties come in the clip-on variety. They rarely open doors for women anymore. Their muscles come from nautilus machines rather than from working with their hands. The list goes on.

Perhaps it was caused by generations of men growing up without a strong father figure. A number of theories could be made as to why men lost the ability to be men. The fact exists that most men in the 21^st century would bring a tear to the eye of a man’s man from the 30s, 40s, and 50s (if real men cried).

Because of this loss of masculinity among the men of today, I was inspired to come up with the idea for a manual of sorts. A “guidebook” on how to be a man that covered everything your father should have taught you. This tome would be titled, “The Lost Art of Manliness: Everything your father should have taught you… but didn’t”. It would cover everything from chivalry to working on your car; from grilling a steak to buying cufflinks. The book would be separated into sections with each one covering a different trait or piece of knowledge that all men should know.

The rough layout I figured out would be as follows:

Chapter 1 – Grooming and clothing

1. Tying a tie correctly
2. Determining your hat size and how to properly reshape a fedora
3. Finding your shirt size
4. Knowing your suit size and when to wear a tuxedo
5. How to properly apply pomade
6. The correct way to shave (straight razor, disposable, and electric)
7. How to darn a hole in a sock
8. Doing the laundry correctly
9. The importance of dry cleaning
10. Properly starching and pressing a shirt

Chapter 2 – Male Accessories and Jewelry

1. Selecting cufflinks and when to wear them
2. The importance of a good watch
3. Tie tacks and why they are sometimes needed
4. Selecting a fountain pen and how it can help business deals
5. Buying a tie and matching it to your shirt
6. Techniques for folding a handkerchief

Chapter 3 – Automobiles

1. Changing the oil
2. Checking and changing spark plugs
3. Quick fixes for an overheating engine
4. Checking tire pressure and changing a tire
   
5. How to determine why your car isn’t starting
6. Basic preventative maintenance
7. The often overlooked art of washing and waxing a car
8. Buying a used car and spotting a “lemon”

Chapter 4 – Chivalry and Relationships

1. Paying for dinner
2. Opening doors
3. Buying flowers and when to give them
4. Love poem basics and why men should know how to write them
5. Diamond rings (understanding the 3 “Cs” and how to save money at the jeweler)
6. Popping the question
7. Meeting the parents and making a good first impression
8. A guys guide to etiquette and when it’s important

Chapter 5 – Survival

1. How to start a fire
2. Building shelter for the night
3. Finding your way
4. Locating clean water
5. What’s safe to eat
6. Basic fishing techniques in freshwater and salt water
7. Setting a broken bone and other first aid techniques
8. Important plants to counteract poison ivy, nettles, and bug bites

Chapter 6 – Food and Drink

1. Paying for the first round
2. Grilling a steak correctly with charcoal, wood, or gas
3. Basic techniques to cook chicken and pork safely
4. How to clean and prepare fish
5. Selecting the right wine to go with an entrée
6. Beer basics (imports, domestics, and microbrews)
7. Cocktails every man should know
8. How to make a good cup of coffee
9. Selecting and smoking a fine cigar

Chapter 7 – Around the House

1. Mowing the lawn
2. Maintaining a garden
3. Fixing a leaky sink and other basic plumbing
4. Hanging a picture
5. Fixing a squeaky door
6. Repairing and replacing cabinets
7. Patching holes in walls
8. Basic electrical repairs
9. Knowing what you can do yourself and when to call a pro
10. Setting up a home workshop and what tools you need

Of course my list is still far from being complete or concise. There could be sections and/or chapters that covered:

1. Negotiating a deal
2. How to haggle
3. Buying a gun
4. Hunting
5. Sharpening a knife
6. Giving a proper handshake
7. Throwing a perfect spiral
8. The importance of playing catch with your son
9. Giving the sex talk to your kids
10. When to tip and how much
11. Giving a toast
12. Changing a diaper
13. Screening babysitters
14. Etc...
    

The idea is to create a book that provides most of the information that every man should know or at least have a good grasp on how to do. There have been a number of books written over the years that covered different aspects from the above list. There are books on being a gentleman and etiquette (John Bridges has written a fascinating series of books on being a gentleman), books on remodeling a home and home repair (anything by Norm Abrams), books on wilderness survival (anything by John 'Lofty' Wiseman), books on auto maintenance and buying cars (Chiltons and Consumer's Guides), and self help books on being a good father (a search on Amazon yields over 53,000 results). Unfortunately none of them have attempted to provide a complete manual to manliness, or if they have, it’s been more of brief one page coverage (like "How to Mow the Lawn" by Sam Martin). I'm still uncertain about how in depth John Hunt's "Stuff Guys Need To Know: How to Do Just About Everything" gets. Perhaps it’s impossible to cover all that a man should know within a single book.

I was lucky to have a father that taught me a number of things from the list I worked up. Others I learned on my own. Yet despite all that, there are still a bunch of things that I don’t know. I may know how to replace a motor in a car, buy flowers, and the difference between a Windsor and a Box Knot, but I never learned how to haggle, clean a fish, or set a broken bone. I believe that if there were a single book that a man could read and learn from, the male of the species could regain some of his silent dignity and put a smile on the face of men from the past.

It’s an idea.

The Lost Art of Manliness